'My father gave me this Inverter Wala AC on my wedding...'
'I got this million rupee furniture from my dad..'
'I got all the latest appliances from Daddy Jee on my wedding...'
'Here, you check this car? That's my wedding gift. Thank you Dad!'
Above are the few lines you will hear from many of the newlywed girls proudly announcing the 'gifts' they got from their parents on their wedding. You will find them telling that to their friends, relatives or their dozens of followers on their Snapchat. Many of the listeners having a parent who cannot afford to compete with these 'standards'.
A papa will now be under pressure to match those 'standards' of the society by hook or by crook. A girl will now begin an agonizing wait while her dad runs around finding an answer of an unending maze. And God forbid the girl isn't lucky to have a father... What happens next is anyone's guess.
That's the ugly face of the system of Dowry; a system that has destroyed lives of fathers and their daughters. A system that's making life miserable for countless women who are trying to find some happiness in their new homes. A system that has made in-laws kill girls and forced fathers to commit suicides. A system that so many of us romanticise ignoring the disastrous consequences of our actions.
According to famous scholar Dr Israr Ahmed, Dowry in Pakistan is another of those souvenirs of partition Pakistan brought from India. Dowry exists in Hinduism because of the fact that daughters didn't use to get inheritance when their parent died so they got whatever their share was when they were married thus it's understandable. This became a trend and Muslims in British India, that included the area we call Pakistan, followed suit. It's been seven decades and only things that changed since are the standards and woes of parents. All went up.
It's a mess that has made life miserable for so many girls waiting to tie the knot. Waiting for their prince to take them to their new homes. And others who have already got married now face the taunts and abuse of in-laws because of the ‘substandard’ dowry she brought with her. There are so many such cases around us that one can easily loose count. And not only around us, millions more of such girls are losing their prime youth because of the greed of the society.
'Sab karte hen..'
'It's nothing new..'
'Our parents did it so should we..'
'Nai dengey tou susral walay beti ko tanay dengey..'
'Mang nai rahe, but they can give whatever they want khushi se..'
'Apni beti ko he tou derahe hen...'
Above-stated are the justifications we usually hear from the defenders of this evil system. Those who are sending daughters or 'putting a value' of their sons, all have one or the other excuse. We all have heard them.
Prophet Mohammad SAWW made marriage as easy as ABC especially for the girl's parents. The marriage was simplified so the people don't go astray to fulfill their desires. While marrying his daughters Prophet Mohammad SAWW never gave a single penny from his own pocket, although making it compulsory for the groom to pay Meher, setting an example for his Ummah. Furthermore, Islam made Walima (a reception the groom gives) compulsory after the bride comes to her new home but we the Muslims made sure to make life further miserable for the bride's father by bringing in the concept of Baraat.
It's a pity that we the self-proclaimed righteous and lovers of the Prophet SAWW have so easily forgotten his so important Sunnah. Those who promote the ugly system of Dowry are complacent to the ills in society emerging as marriages become difficult: complacent and oblivious of the consequences. And yet we call ourselves Aashiq e Rasool. What an irony.
It's time we stop ignoring our role in promoting this evil and make amends. A great step was taken recently by KPK government to ban dowry and set a punishment for those who don't follow the law. It's indeed a big step but is it enough to erase it from whole of Pakistan? No.
It can only be done when the people who 'have' say 'no'. The 'have nots' won't be able to take the first step so that's out of the question. The rich have to initiate.
The elites of the society have to say 'no' to dowry. Say 'no' and share that with others. Say 'no' and tell your followers of Snapchat that you said 'no'. Say ‘no’ and post an status update announcing what you did. Say 'no' and be proud of that. Only then can we make life easier for the rest. Make marriages easier. Make Nikah easier. Only then can we eradicate hundreds of other ills from the society. Only then can we say:-
Dowry: The Filth We All Love Hate